Dancing Lite

Filed under:Television — posted by Anwyn on November 6, 2007 @ 12:01 am

Sabrina’s gone.

Marie’s lost weight and looks good in the military thing.

Helio’s a lightweight at the tango–he literally does not weigh enough to put any bulk into it.

My heart’s not in this, but we’ll see if there’s anything interesting.

Len rips Helio’s tango to shreds. Bruno gives qualified agreement. Carrie Ann runs counter … boo. Puh-leaze, Tom Bergeron, if you think I’m actually going to bother to vote at all this season after that mess last week, you’ve gone mad. Scores: Nine-eight-eight. Eight for a dance with such egregious footwork mistakes as Len described?

Yes, Samantha, I feel quite bad enough that I didn’t vote for poor Sabrina. But it won’t make me vote for anybody else. As protest I’m sitting it out. The winner has already gone home.

Say, didn’t Marie get divorced? Yes. After eight kids. I think I’d be tempted to take out a hit on the guy.

Quickstep to “Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy,” one of my all-time favorites. Not Marie’s best, alas. She’s quite literally not quick enough. They’re gonna get her.

Gee, thanks, Donny. She already fell down once on national TV. Don’t do her any more favors.

Bruno loved it. Piffle. Carrie Ann loved it. Maybe I’m just grinchy. Len loved it. Whatever. Scores: Ten-nine-nine.

Mel and Maks, foxtrot. Eah. Nothing’s cool tonight. Carrie Ann: Out of synch. Yup. Len: Footwork out. Yup. Bruno: Footwork needed finesse. It’s unanimous. Scores: Eight-eight-eight. Right on.

Jane and Tony: I’m just tired. And grumpy. I want Jane to go home. I’m so angry she’s still here when Sabrina’s gone that for the first time I wish we were voting people OFF instead of up. Quickstep to “Walk the Line.” I’m pretty sure this song sounded a lot pissier when Cash sang it. Now that he’s passed, it just sounds whipped. Len says: Lack of body contact and occasionally poor footwork. Bruno says: Dress through a shredder distracting. Right on. Common theme tonight: No attention to detail. True. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE. She was the only on who was ever spot-on, and all of Tom’s raving about “strongest season ever” does not change that fact. Carrie Ann: Says technique is fine. Piffle. Lack of excitement. True. She says anyone could take the title–also true. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE. You remaining contenders better appreciate what the crazies at home did for you last week. Scores: Eight-eight-eight.

Jennie and Derek, Viennese waltz: This ought to be her dance. Hmm. I think if it were ordinary waltz, it would be, but the super-fast three-count step is tripping her up. Gorgeous arms, but … Bruno: Fluid, absolutely great. Hmm. Carrie Ann: Back two steps, broken lines. Len: Lovely lilt, not enough Viennese waltz in hold. He’s right. SHUT UP BRUNO. It wouldn’t be a week on this blog if I didn’t have to type that, I guess. Scores: Eight-eight-nine.

Cameron and Edyta, quickstep. Uhoh. No, dear boy, this is not Footloose. Oh, hey, he can quickstep. What do you know. He looks better than Marie or Jane did–until that. That was egregious–she kicked when he stepped and then he kicked when she stepped. Very bad. Watch out for shredders, Cameron. Carrie Ann: A little wild. Len: Calm down. Didn’t like … any of it, except when in hold. He’s right. Bruno: Blah blah. Do any of us really care about this any more, or is it just me? Scores: Eight-eight-eight. Okay, this is ridiculous. This entire competition is now flatlined–quite literally flatlined in the sameness of all the scores. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE.

Helio and Julianne, samba. Ugly hip roll. And that apparently took everything he had in his hips right out of them. Stiff for the rest of it. Honestly, Julianne, that’s the ugliest samba I’ve ever seen, your part, and especially your costume, included. Sorry. Bruno loved it of course. Carrie Ann: Agrees with Bruno. Piffle. Len: Brazil, samba, Texas, president … excuse me, Brit? Didn’t you mean “Just because you come from Texas doesn’t mean you can TWO-STEP” ?? I’m pretty friggin’ certain that’s what you should’ve said. The only place in my life where I prefer there to be absolutely no politics: television. And a dance show, no less. Gee thanks, Len. Scores: Nine-nine-nine. This is becoming a bad joke–all of it, not just the one Len told.

Marie and Jonathan, cha-cha-cha. Okay, she’s rocking that a bit. But is there any excuse for botching the hand-grabs at this stage in the game? No there is not. Okay, is there any cha-cha at all in this dance or is it all posturing? It reminds me of watching Katerina Witt skate post-Carmen. She might as well have been stripping on ice. Carrie Ann: Toned perfectly, but wasn’t quite enough content. No kidding. Len: Agree, too much messing about. Bruno: same. Scores: Eight-eight-eight. I’m shocked.

Mel and Maks, paso. Guys, Halloween’s over. Len: Speechless. Bruno: I don’t care about his opinions any more. Carrie Ann: Kicked booty. Okay. Scores: Ten-ten-ten. She could go all the way.

Jane and Tony, cha-cha-cha. This should be painful. She just doesn’t have these moves. Goodbye, Jane, unless the Dr. Quinn voters continue to skew it. I have to give props to Tony for choreography that had a lot of steps and yet did its best to minimize her lack of movement. Bruno: Wah-wah-wah-wah-waaaaah. Carrie Ann: Agreed, did well. Len: Insults viewers again by assuming the ignorant Americans don’t know about Guy Fawkes Night. Bite me, Len. You were always my favorite, but the souring of the season has soured everything, it seems. He liked the content but lacks fireworks. Yah. Scores:

Wait, hold up: October Road was not cancelled? There really is no justice.

Scores: Eight-nine-nine.

Jennie and Derek, rhumba. I have a bad feeling about this. Maybe unjustified. They’re starting well. Derek shines at this … but Jennie’s a little sedate in the non-stepping parts. Her steps are right on, though. Could go either way with the judges, but I’m liking it. For a change. Beautiful. Carrie Ann: Redemption. Yep. Len: Fantastic dancer. She’s getting there. Bruno: So well paced. Yes. Best dance you’ve done. Also yes. Samantha’s annoying! SarahK, Drew is way way better! Throwdown! Scores: Nine-nine-ten. Bruno, you’ve recovered yourself in my eyes. Len, you’re still in my doghouse.

Cameron and Edyta, jive. Hmm. His steps were right on, but damn, it was so slow, for a jive, that he’d have to be so bad for his steps not to be on. Will the judges compliment his steps or rip Edyta for the slow speed? Len: Fantastic. Good. Bruno: More kicks than a rodeo. Yeah, a lot of kicks, but they were all sharp. Right on it. Carrie Ann: Really fine dancer, as opposed to good-looking guy who can move. Edyta looks like she’s been handed a gift. Yay! Scores: Nine-nine-nine.

I’m depressed, and that’s not how the happy dance show should leave me. I think this is the last week of dance blogging. It makes me feel like the blog is a lightweight … more than usual.


Update: H/t A. Weasel for the Newsbusters link/vid/commentary. Eah. I’m not exercised quite to the point of “Go home,” like Scarborough. Just irritated that he plunked it into my already depressing dance show.

one comment so far »

  1. OK, here ya go, just throw this link in there and BAM, you have connected your dance post to a political controversy….not so lightweight anymore, eh?

    Comment by A. Weasel — November 6, 2007 @ 12:22 pm

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image: detail of installation by Bronwyn Lace