Of House. I wouldn’t usually bother to review a single episode of anything, but this is so egregious I can’t let it pass. When it’s obvious that in addition to a farcical plot with no redeeming humor value, the writer in question, apparently Thomas L. Moran, is writing all the roles so completely out of character and on the nose that it’s like he’s never even seen an episode, it warrants comment. House is satirical, not blatant. He’s sarcastic, not infantile. He’s blunt, not obvious. And don’t get me started on the supporting characters.

Since this must be a fluke, as it’s the first episode even remotely close to bad in a four-season run, I’ll skip the joke about how maybe it’s a good thing the WGA is on strike. This episode would be enough to put me off if it weren’t House.

Update: NOOOOOOOOOO. This show needs Michael Michele like it needs a hole in the head. Too much shake-up too fast, and we don’t need a competing face and name. Hugh Laurie is the show here. She jars. I hope it’s temporary.

Sorry, LeAnn Rimes. The thrill is gone and everybody is going to have to suck up some sour pills. You seem like you’ve been taking lessons from Reba McEntire–not a good thing in your case. And if you’re going to slow it down and sing only with an acoustic guitar, you kind of have to not walk all over the guitar–it’s got a complex set of twisty notes going, and so does your voice, and they are fighting each other. Second verse you’re not fighting the guitar any more, but mostly because it surrendered. Net effect: Sounds better, but now you sound like you’ve been taking vowel lessons from Garth Brooks. Not a good thing in anybody’s case.

Julianne and Tony: Pretty rhumba, but you don’t look like you’ve danced together enough. There are several stilted moments and near-misses.

Safe: Marie and Jonathan, Cameron and Edyta. If Cameron is safe AND the world is back on track, Jane is going home tonight.

The Rock Steady Crew: In three words, not my thing.

LeAnn’s back. If our pros aren’t dancing, I’m not watching. Lucky for Rimes, here comes my Cheryl.

Down in the bottom-screen election ticker, Oregon Measure 49 is passing. That just makes me even pissier. Common sense seems to be prevailing on Measure 50, however. Write a specific product tax into the Constitution because you don’t have the legally required super-majority to pass it in the legislature? No thanks, morons.

Hey, turns out Sabrina and Mark apparently are dating. Good for them.

Safe: Mel and Maks. Yeah, baby. No bottom two? Oh, just get on with it.

Safe: Helio and Julianne. How is leaving two couples, one of whom is actually going home, that much different from the bottom two? So one of them is going home and one may or may not be in the bottom two. Why muddle it? What wasn’t working about the bottom-two format?

Going home: Jane and Tony. I had a qualm there, like maybe I should have broken my sourpuss protest and voted for Jennie. We’ll see next week.

They were exes, but “still friends.” They were “kissing in the bedroom” when she bit his lip off and spat it out.

Damn that woman. She has blown the lid off for all of us who “like” to remain friends with our exes.

Marie Osmond’s father has died, age 90.

Condolences to the entire Osmond family.

Between the death of Jane Seymour’s mother, Jane’s food poisoning, Marie’s faint, and now this, it is a season of strange coincidences.

Boys, ever had your cockpit break away from the fuselage in flight? No, I didn’t think so.

WASHINGTON — F-18 fighters aboard the aircraft [carrier] USS Enterprise have been called in to backfill in Afghanistan after all non-mission critical F-15 flights were temporarily suspended Saturday following the crash of an older model during a routine training session in Missouri last week.

According to Air Force officials, the cockpit broke apart from the plane’s fuselage in mid-flight on Friday. The pilot ejected safely. An investigation into the cause of the accident is still ongoing.

Glad to hear we’re sending F-18s, but I hope and trust it will be found to have been an anomaly. If F-15s were prone to this kind of behavior this would have happened long before now.

In other news, another sad instance of jargon taking the place of perfectly usable English. I don’t like that word “backfill.”

In still other news, maybe Fox needs to hire a few copy editors. I counted at least two mistakes just in a quick skim. Back to the issue at hand: Why are the guys still flying these old aircraft? The F-15 is a beautiful thing, but if the USAF needs Raptors it shouldn’t have to cut support personnel to get them:

The Air Force has been struggling to free up funds to purchase more advanced aircraft such as the stealth F-22 Raptor, one the most advanced aircraft available, to replace these older planes. Attempts to create funds in recent months involved drawing down forces by 40,000 airmen, an effort that Air Force Secretary Michael Wynn has said “isn’t working.”

Ground war is expensive in more ways than one.

Gib lays out the pros and cons.

Former Sen. John Edwards (D-SC)
Pros: Is not, so far as I know, the mind-controlled love slave of Kim Jong-Il.
Cons: Is actually John Edwards.

Such a sad story: A Vancouver police dog shot dead in the line of duty by a suspect who allegedly told friends he wanted to “kill a cop.” His distraught handler said at the memorial service, as reported on the TV news, “He found the bad guy, and he took a bullet that I’m certain was meant for one of those officers that was out there.”

“Dakota, thank you for being a great partner, a friend, companion, police dog,” Evans said. “Thank you for protecting my fellow officers and me. Thank you for being a warrior and thank you for dying a hero. Dakota, you were a good boy.”

It’s hard to see the police all choked up.

Sabrina’s gone.

Marie’s lost weight and looks good in the military thing.

Helio’s a lightweight at the tango–he literally does not weigh enough to put any bulk into it.

My heart’s not in this, but we’ll see if there’s anything interesting.

Len rips Helio’s tango to shreds. Bruno gives qualified agreement. Carrie Ann runs counter … boo. Puh-leaze, Tom Bergeron, if you think I’m actually going to bother to vote at all this season after that mess last week, you’ve gone mad. Scores: Nine-eight-eight. Eight for a dance with such egregious footwork mistakes as Len described?

Yes, Samantha, I feel quite bad enough that I didn’t vote for poor Sabrina. But it won’t make me vote for anybody else. As protest I’m sitting it out. The winner has already gone home.

Say, didn’t Marie get divorced? Yes. After eight kids. I think I’d be tempted to take out a hit on the guy.

Quickstep to “Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy,” one of my all-time favorites. Not Marie’s best, alas. She’s quite literally not quick enough. They’re gonna get her.

Gee, thanks, Donny. She already fell down once on national TV. Don’t do her any more favors.

Bruno loved it. Piffle. Carrie Ann loved it. Maybe I’m just grinchy. Len loved it. Whatever. Scores: Ten-nine-nine.

Mel and Maks, foxtrot. Eah. Nothing’s cool tonight. Carrie Ann: Out of synch. Yup. Len: Footwork out. Yup. Bruno: Footwork needed finesse. It’s unanimous. Scores: Eight-eight-eight. Right on.

Jane and Tony: I’m just tired. And grumpy. I want Jane to go home. I’m so angry she’s still here when Sabrina’s gone that for the first time I wish we were voting people OFF instead of up. Quickstep to “Walk the Line.” I’m pretty sure this song sounded a lot pissier when Cash sang it. Now that he’s passed, it just sounds whipped. Len says: Lack of body contact and occasionally poor footwork. Bruno says: Dress through a shredder distracting. Right on. Common theme tonight: No attention to detail. True. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE. She was the only on who was ever spot-on, and all of Tom’s raving about “strongest season ever” does not change that fact. Carrie Ann: Says technique is fine. Piffle. Lack of excitement. True. She says anyone could take the title–also true. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE. You remaining contenders better appreciate what the crazies at home did for you last week. Scores: Eight-eight-eight.

Jennie and Derek, Viennese waltz: This ought to be her dance. Hmm. I think if it were ordinary waltz, it would be, but the super-fast three-count step is tripping her up. Gorgeous arms, but … Bruno: Fluid, absolutely great. Hmm. Carrie Ann: Back two steps, broken lines. Len: Lovely lilt, not enough Viennese waltz in hold. He’s right. SHUT UP BRUNO. It wouldn’t be a week on this blog if I didn’t have to type that, I guess. Scores: Eight-eight-nine.

Cameron and Edyta, quickstep. Uhoh. No, dear boy, this is not Footloose. Oh, hey, he can quickstep. What do you know. He looks better than Marie or Jane did–until that. That was egregious–she kicked when he stepped and then he kicked when she stepped. Very bad. Watch out for shredders, Cameron. Carrie Ann: A little wild. Len: Calm down. Didn’t like … any of it, except when in hold. He’s right. Bruno: Blah blah. Do any of us really care about this any more, or is it just me? Scores: Eight-eight-eight. Okay, this is ridiculous. This entire competition is now flatlined–quite literally flatlined in the sameness of all the scores. BECAUSE SABRINA’S GONE.

Helio and Julianne, samba. Ugly hip roll. And that apparently took everything he had in his hips right out of them. Stiff for the rest of it. Honestly, Julianne, that’s the ugliest samba I’ve ever seen, your part, and especially your costume, included. Sorry. Bruno loved it of course. Carrie Ann: Agrees with Bruno. Piffle. Len: Brazil, samba, Texas, president … excuse me, Brit? Didn’t you mean “Just because you come from Texas doesn’t mean you can TWO-STEP” ?? I’m pretty friggin’ certain that’s what you should’ve said. The only place in my life where I prefer there to be absolutely no politics: television. And a dance show, no less. Gee thanks, Len. Scores: Nine-nine-nine. This is becoming a bad joke–all of it, not just the one Len told.

Marie and Jonathan, cha-cha-cha. Okay, she’s rocking that a bit. But is there any excuse for botching the hand-grabs at this stage in the game? No there is not. Okay, is there any cha-cha at all in this dance or is it all posturing? It reminds me of watching Katerina Witt skate post-Carmen. She might as well have been stripping on ice. Carrie Ann: Toned perfectly, but wasn’t quite enough content. No kidding. Len: Agree, too much messing about. Bruno: same. Scores: Eight-eight-eight. I’m shocked.

Mel and Maks, paso. Guys, Halloween’s over. Len: Speechless. Bruno: I don’t care about his opinions any more. Carrie Ann: Kicked booty. Okay. Scores: Ten-ten-ten. She could go all the way.

Jane and Tony, cha-cha-cha. This should be painful. She just doesn’t have these moves. Goodbye, Jane, unless the Dr. Quinn voters continue to skew it. I have to give props to Tony for choreography that had a lot of steps and yet did its best to minimize her lack of movement. Bruno: Wah-wah-wah-wah-waaaaah. Carrie Ann: Agreed, did well. Len: Insults viewers again by assuming the ignorant Americans don’t know about Guy Fawkes Night. Bite me, Len. You were always my favorite, but the souring of the season has soured everything, it seems. He liked the content but lacks fireworks. Yah. Scores:

Wait, hold up: October Road was not cancelled? There really is no justice.

Scores: Eight-nine-nine.

Jennie and Derek, rhumba. I have a bad feeling about this. Maybe unjustified. They’re starting well. Derek shines at this … but Jennie’s a little sedate in the non-stepping parts. Her steps are right on, though. Could go either way with the judges, but I’m liking it. For a change. Beautiful. Carrie Ann: Redemption. Yep. Len: Fantastic dancer. She’s getting there. Bruno: So well paced. Yes. Best dance you’ve done. Also yes. Samantha’s annoying! SarahK, Drew is way way better! Throwdown! Scores: Nine-nine-ten. Bruno, you’ve recovered yourself in my eyes. Len, you’re still in my doghouse.

Cameron and Edyta, jive. Hmm. His steps were right on, but damn, it was so slow, for a jive, that he’d have to be so bad for his steps not to be on. Will the judges compliment his steps or rip Edyta for the slow speed? Len: Fantastic. Good. Bruno: More kicks than a rodeo. Yeah, a lot of kicks, but they were all sharp. Right on it. Carrie Ann: Really fine dancer, as opposed to good-looking guy who can move. Edyta looks like she’s been handed a gift. Yay! Scores: Nine-nine-nine.

I’m depressed, and that’s not how the happy dance show should leave me. I think this is the last week of dance blogging. It makes me feel like the blog is a lightweight … more than usual.

Sigh.

Update: H/t A. Weasel for the Newsbusters link/vid/commentary. Eah. I’m not exercised quite to the point of “Go home,” like Scarborough. Just irritated that he plunked it into my already depressing dance show.