… but oops. There’s just too much fun here not to blog it. Dancing with the Stars, baby, bottomless blogger well. Besides, Gib likes it.

Sabrina and Mark, foxtrot. That foxtrot rocked. The foxtrot is sort of boring in general, and while I can understand that this one didn’t stoke the traditionalist fire, a la Len and Bruno and their eights, Carrie Ann gave it what it was worth. They were spot-on. I still say they have a little thing for each other.

Jennie and Derek, mambo. Now that’s what I’m talking about. Mambo is your dance, girl. The judges might say they have a little too few actual mambo steps, but the dance is full of fun and life. Judges say: Steam heat, says Bruno. Right on. Carrie Ann recognizes it too: Great time. Len: “Exceptional performance.” Nice.

Oh. God. Barry Manilow tomorrow night? Count me out of that. TiVo fast-forward, here I come.

Geez. Does anybody know how many calories in a bottle of wine? It’s getting bad around here, let me tell you. Trip-nines for Jennie and Derek!

Jane and Tony, jive. Jive. Jive. Doctor Quinn doing the jive. I have such a bad feeling about this. Oh, baby, navy swabs standing to attention for Jane Seymour. You better feel that, girl. Ouch–that’s not really jive music. They’re doing their game best, however. She’s got the steps but not the flair. As the dance goes on she gets downright clunky, alas. I hope Bruno is not still blinded by the elegance. Judges say: Carrie Ann likes the vibrance but knows that it wasn’t Jane’s dance. Len: It’s not you. Right. Bruno: Class act, but … not your most comfortable. Right on. Eight-seven-seven. Oh dear. Who Goes Home? (Hugo’s Home.) Ten-point bonus to anybody getting that reference without looking it up, SeeDub.

Cameron and Edyta, … these outfits scare me. Conan the Sambarian? Oh. My. Gosh. Look at that little Brazilian girl. She is the bomb. … Okay, this is sweet. This is his dance. He’s got it, baby. This guy is going to be hard to oust, as eventually he must be ousted, but it’ll be a hot ride till he’s finished. Judges say: Len is disturbed. No spirit of samba. Bruno: Captain Smith and Pocahontas … I don’t know why they can’t see past the costumes if I can. A-ha, Carrie Ann says “real passion, I got it, I loved it.” That’s my girl. Nine-eight-eight.

A little secret: I love Tom Bergeron. I’ve loved him since the new incarnation of America’s Funniest Home Videos. He is sweet, realistic, supportive, a little naughty, and down to earth. He is a consummate host and seems like a wonderful guy. I’m totally on the outs with SarahK over Samantha Harris vs. Drew Lachey–it’s totally great she had a baby, but I’d have loved it if Drew’d stuck around a few weeks more. However, Samantha finally, finally seems to be settling into her job and is more than a bobbleheaded mouthpiece. Maybe having a baby has made her cut to the chase. You’re worlds better, Samatha, keep it up.

Mel B. and Maks, rhumba. Oh boy, this oughtta be good. A second secret: Maks is friggin’ gorgeous. He is a bit too much of a pretty boy for my usual taste, but there is something smoking about him that I just cannot resist. Keep it up, boy. The dance:Holy smoke. The rhumba has always been his dance, and now it turns out it’s hers too. Wow. Synergy is an incredible thing: Last week it was nobody’s dance, this week it’s everybody’s. Judges say: Bruno, “Right in the fine line between love and hate.” Uh, no. All love, dude. “Excellent.” Yah. Carrie Ann: Mesmerised. No doubt. Len: Loved it. Woot! Ten-ten-ten. Wow.

This is the best episode of the season thus far.

They’re going to show the faint again. Slump, slump, crash. Poor Marie.

Marie and Jonathan, paso doble: Ooh, she’s gorgeous in rehearsal. This could be, yet again, her dance. Hmm. She looks a bit animatronic, but I don’t really know that in the paso that’s a disadvantage. Very traditional. Ooh, slick line from Tom, who must be of an age with Marie: “I think that’s the longest I’ve ever seen an Osmond not smile.” Judges say: Carrie Ann uncomfortable with Marie literally on the floor while Jonathan danced around her–too much faint taint. Played just a hair safe. Len: Pause. But back on with it again, dramatic. Bruno: Catherine Zeta Cranky. Ouch. Eight-eight-seven. Ouch.

Helio and Julianne, cha-cha-cha: Cha-cha is typically a man’s best friend. Here we go … Disco cha-cha-cha? Um. Well, they’ve got the moves. I’ve got to give props to the judges for even being able to look at Helio with Julianne out there. She is positively incandescent. Judges say: Len says comeback. Fantastic. Bruno: rebranded and regenerated, back in the race. Carrie Ann concurs. Nine-ten-nine. Wow. Bit much. I think Len was watching Julianne.

Group routine: These are usually a train wreck. Okay, not so much this time. Everybody’s got some moves, especially Cameron and Edyta with that lift and Marie and Jonathan with that jitterbug. Ugly ending. “Excuse me, let me hang between your legs and look up at your bum.” No, I don’t think so.

Prediction time. Bottom two: Jane Seymour and, stab to my heart, Marie Osmond. Going home: Jane Seymour. This is pain time. Somebody actually good has got to go.