Live-blogging Dancing with the Stars for the second week in a row. Procrastinating work. Yeehaw.

Marie and Jonathan, samba: Sorry, Marie, not your dance. Unless you can do those samba rolls about 3x as fast, no 10s for you. Jonathan choreographed that as if you were a doll that he might break if he played too hard, and unfortunately that’s exactly what you looked like. Judges say:

Oh my God, Marie collapsed. … Okay, she’s better, it appears. A fainting spell that’s happened to her before. No more sambas. You really were a breakable doll, poor thing. Trip-sevens on top of fainting on live TV. Not your week, dear lady.

The lift again. For pete’s sake somebody clarify the rules.

Jane and Tony, rhumba: Ouch. Hip action not Dr. Quinn’s strong point. I’ve got a feeling this is the least talented group of Latin dancers in three seasons, at least. Judges say: Oh, please, Bruno, she resembled Edyta no more than Celine Dion resembles Britney Spears. Well, judges ought to know but I thought it needed a lot more movement. Nines? Good grief.

Mark and Kym, samba: This ought to be bad, so bad it’s good. A lot of galloping from Mark here. No samba rolls. He thinks, probably truly, that the judges’ scores will be irrelevant because he will in the bottom two from now on and the only thing that will keep him on will be the voters. Let’s hope the field is now slim enough that the voters have no real power to beat the voters for the real dancers. Judges: Entertaining, no technique. Well, duh. Nice to hear them say it. Florence Henderson looks shocked that Tom Bergeron mentioned Heather Mills’s false leg on the air; clearly she didn’t watch last season. Sheesh. Even trip-sevens are too high. That demeans Marie.

Sabrina and Mark, rhumba: Hmm. A bit snappy for a rhumba, too many spins. The music puts you in mind of somebody a lot older than Sabrina–not good. Judges: BRUNO SHUT UP. Does he honestly believe opinion is objective and monolithic? Let Len have his own. Nines and ten.

Jennie and Derek, samba: She is right on the edge of being rock-solid but still appears too unsure of herself to really let loose, which is what the samba takes. Judges: Bruno’s right on–she was falterish. Carrie-Ann right on–she’s gotta mean it. Len’s been taking some happy pills this season, or he just thinks Jennie’s hot. Or both. Eight-nine-eight. On the other hand, I am warning to Derek. He was trying too hard early on but is relaxing into it now, I think.

Helio and Julianne, rhumba: Damn, nice car. Sorry, back to the dance. People, all people, please stop dancing without music. Wait till it starts. Well, he quit smiling so much, but still, it’s not quite his dance either. Bad night for Latin, it seems. Even some of the pros seem off their game, and I don’t like Julianne’s choreography here. Helio’s just … stiff. Judges: Carrie-Ann, no chemistry and awkward lines. Len agrees: mechanical. Bruno agrees, shock of shocks. Eight-seven-eight.

Mel B and Maks: Started well, but somehow the actual steps seem to be eluding everybody who tries the samba. Feet are kind of cloddish. Very bad choreography mistake to leave her sitting on the floor in the splits for that long, especially in such a fast dance. Judges: Len loves it. Bruno loves it. Carrie-Ann agrees, best samba of the night. Maybe I’m cranky. Or maybe I just prefer steps to be right on the beat, with snap. Take some snap from Sabrina’s rhumba and put it in. Ten-nine-ten. Eah, I just don’t see it, but I guess that makes her Sabrina’s primary competition.

Cameron and Edyta, rhumba: Okay, Susan Lucci giving Edyta tips? Come on. Wow. By George, I think he’s got it. He seems to be letting completely loose, although it’s only fair to say the burden of rhumba choreography really falls on the woman. Still there are certain elements the guy must bring to it, and Cameron’s got ten times more fluidity and heat than Helio had–all the other men did the samba. Bruno loved it with his usual over-the-top sound bytes. Carrie-Ann: Chemistry good, lift fanatic wins again. Len: Cameron good, Edyta on his nerves. Guess the happy pills aren’t all-encompassing. I’d say Cameron’s the steadiest of the night. Eight (darn you Carrie-Lift-Ann)-nine-nine.

Prediction for bottom two: Mark Cuban and … Jane Seymour? It’s got to be somebody. Mark Cuban will you PLEASE GO NOW.